June 28th, 2010 | by Tyler | published in Features, Sporting Life
Dear Portlanders- In the time that I’ve been absent, I’ve discovered what you truly hold dear. I’m not talking about your 1985 Daewoo, or your big bearded boyfriend. I’m talking about the fact that we live in a really cool city, with cooler shit surrounding it. The great outdoors is something that few of us [...]
June 28th, 2010 | by Cooking Asshole | published in Features, Food/Drink
Who doesn’t like a hot dog every now and then? Freaks, that’s who. I love hot dogs and this weekend I decided to make a Sonoran Dog. “That sounds foreign.” That’s because it is, stupid. In Arizona, the state that hates on more than 30% of its population, the Mexican illegals came up with this dish as [...]
June 25th, 2010 | by Your Editor | published in Analysis
We didn’t get around to writing about this yesterday because we were busy busy, but, as anyone who lives here could have probably guessed, Portland is the least-manly city in America. Now there’s a study to prove it. A study conducted by, oh I don’t know, ha ha ha ha, fucking COMBOS, says that we [...]
June 23rd, 2010 | by Your Editor | published in Analysis, Food/Drink
Quick, everybody, quick! Coalition Brewing is finally open, just in time for you to grab a pint and sit RIGHT IN THE FUCKING SUN THAT IS SHINING DOWN LIKE A BOSS. Go! Fast! Before Portland runs out of beer!
June 23rd, 2010 | by Your Editor | published in Analysis
Remember like, 100 years ago, when the National Enquirer was just some joke tabloid people chuckled at while waiting to buy their double-stuff oreos and whatnot? Then the supermarket rag broke the John Edwards love child story, and suddenly everyone had to start taking it very seriously. Well, now the Enquirer says Al Gore tried [...]
June 23rd, 2010 | by Cooking Asshole | published in Features, Food/Drink
[You nice people all know Cooking For Assholes, right? Well now, Portland's only professional golfer and total jerk, The Cooking Asshole, will be here on SM every week or so, giving you poor cooking-disabled people recipes you can try at home. Starting right now. I mean, like, RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Take it away, dude! [...]
June 22nd, 2010 | by Your Editor | published in Features, Sex/Strippers
Hi gang! Dang, do we have some big ass news: We’re starting a new feature here at SM, in which a nice young lady who spends her days reading about all sorts of sexy but very serious topics will answer all of your most awful, embarrasing sexy questions! So send ‘em in. Bunches of them! [...]
June 21st, 2010 | by Your Editor | published in Analysis, Art/Culture
Ground Kontol totally fucking demolished whatever other crappy arcades were in the running for Stride Gum’s $25,000 “Save The Arcades” challenge, so yippee, we all get to play more 1980s video gams and such forever. The folks at GK must have been pretty confident about winning the cash, because the’ve already released a mock-up of [...]
June 17th, 2010 | by Your Editor | published in Features
NEWS FLASH: Your favorite source for whatever “news” we happen to catch that day, Stumptown Magazine, will be undergoing some highly important changes over the next week or so. We’ll be rolling out a few new features – including a deal on cooking, hooray! – and one new editor, an actual human person named “Tom”, [...]
June 16th, 2010 | by Tyler | published in Analysis, Food/Drink
According to SM’s ever flowing facebook account, Coalition Brewery, located on SE Ankeny and 28th, will be open in a week as of tomorrow. That means, for all of us alcoholics, that we have to get in some serious comparative drinking before heading into the new brewery. My goal is to hit at least three [...]