This is what SM editor Matt does for “fun”: the kind of standard acts any trained circus seal could do. What’s the matter there, buddy, you too wussy for knives? Too wussy for FLAMING FUCKING TORCHES? Video after the jump.
Archive for March, 2010
Stumptown Magazine Is On Spring Break, Basically
March 24th, 2010 | by Your Editor | published in Analysis
Spring break brah! All the cool kids are doing it, and as you may or may not have noticed, we’re basically doing it too. Matt’s out of town on a legitimate spring break (watching spring training baseball in Arizona, lucky motherfucker); Tyler is taking his lovely lady friend to some kind of bed and breakfast [...]
Hey, It’s SM Editor Tyler’s Birthday!
March 22nd, 2010 | by Your Editor | published in Analysis
Your SM romantic/foody/boozy editor, Tyler, fell clean out of his mother’s vag like, a billion years ago today. Yippee! Everyone should wish him a happy birthday and good luck on his billionth year on this earth by buying him a shot of peach schnapps at Rontoms tonight. Or just leave your profane messages in the [...]
Everyone Is Getting Robbed On The Internet, In Portland
March 22nd, 2010 | by Your Editor | published in Analysis, Recession/Economics
Portland is a hub of crime of all kinds, as we all know – it is easily the most dangerous city in the world, if not beyond. But now, we are all potential victims of “cyber-crime,” which is committed in outer space (the internet), because we can not stop tweeting every damn thing we do [...]
Your Superawesome Comment Of The Week!
March 22nd, 2010 | by Your Editor | published in Features
Man, the comment of the week is, once again, completely awesome. And so right on. Thank you so much, um, “Corinne,” for letting us know how you felt about our lovingly rendered Urban Iditarod feature. You could not have been more correct in your assessment of both the story, and your SM editors.
Go fly a kite
March 20th, 2010 | by Tyler | published in Analysis
No seriously. Get outside today and stop messing around on the interweb. I’m bike bound to Barista and everything bagel at Kettleman’s!!! Good poops this morning! But really, enjoy the weather Portland and I’ll see you tomorrow. Love, me.
Our Brief Thoughts On “Road House, The Play!”
March 19th, 2010 | by Your Editor | published in Analysis, Art/Culture
As your editor has pointed out before, Road House was unquestionably Patrick Swayze’s finest work. He almost couldn’t help but be good; he played the lead in the movie with the best fight scenes of any film released in 1989, which included films with some seriously fucking heavyweight fight scenes, including Batman and Indiana Jones [...]
Finally Portland Takes Steps To End Cooties Epidemic
March 19th, 2010 | by Your Editor | published in Analysis
Portland’s West Sylvan Middle School has decided to ban all hugging between members of the student body, because that shit is so grody, ugh, you guys, get off of me!
College Basketball And Deadlines Have Ruined Stumptown Magazine
March 19th, 2010 | by Your Editor | published in Analysis
Jesus, we haven’t done much this week, have we? Your editor has been on massive deadlines all week, and then there was St. Patrick’s Day, and then yesterday was the most insane day of college basketball in the history of higher education and required CONSTANT VIEWING. To make it up to you, our sexy readers, [...]
Massive Nights
March 19th, 2010 | by Tyler | published in Massive Nights
I have no idea what your editors will be doing on Friday, or even what’s going on in town for that matter. For you see, I have been watching college basketball and, as some of you may know, this leaves little time for other things such as, oh, wiping my bum or looking for things [...]