So if you’re driving the Banfield west of the 33rd st. exit and you happen to glance south and up the embankment you may have seen the STEAMPORTLAND.COM sign painted on the back of a rather anonymous looking building. You think to yourself, that’s interesting…The giant capitalized white letters hidden from the general public on the street, but presented in an obvious yet mysterious manner to the commuting population, who race by, or stare while idling in the midday traffic. You see the sign and you become curious.
At first you assume that a dry cleaner business is trying to rope in the business professional crowd through some back building advertisement. You shake off that idea, realizing it must be a carpet cleaning company trying to capitalize on the easy prey stuck in rush hour.
You switch gears and think, perhaps it is a boiler equipment company, but you’re not convinced. You’re imagination kicks into high gear, what about a steam engineering firm, something to do with the Willamette and the Columbia, a think tank for renewable energy, perhaps a development company for hybrid air balloon zeppelins.
You think of steamships, and locomotives, and then like a train it hits you. You feel it first as an itch at the back of your throat and then as an annoying tickle in your inner ear. You realize it is none of the things you had previously imagined, that the steam is more exotic, more carnal, more homo-erotic. The steam dissipates and you see clearly Portland’s premier all gay steam room and bath house where the slogan is, “If it’s illegal outside of Steam, it’s illegal inside of Steam.”
Which means everything goes, so do what we’re going to do and tell the wives that it’s guys night out and meet the SM gang down at Steam, where for $22 you can get into the HELL HOLE (with video) and start sweating it out together like men. And keeping with the true SM spirit of getting something for nothing aside from the priceless camaraderie of your best male friends each spa room is equipped with complimentary (that means free) lubricants and contraceptives, so let’s go Steam Portland and remember play safe.