Dudes, what a crazy weekend, huh? What with the Alberta Street Fair deal, and then Sallie Ford, and so on. Oh yes, and also: Baconfest happened. We went. Here is our evidence.
First of all, let us just say: Baconfest was, if nothing else, on topic. It was like that perfect theme party, where everyone who showed up was perfectly in costume and din’t fuck it up by, like, wearing bell bottoms to an 80s party or whatever. Every single thing at Baconfest had to do with bacon, and nothing but bacon. The food, the drinks, the freaking SKATEBOARD COMPANY – there was no straggler among the vendors and performers.
That said, a lot of the stuff at Baconfest was just a bunch of kitch that didn’t really reflect the GLORIOUSNESS that is bacon. Like this stuff:
Now, I get that this stuff is different and interesting – not your typical bacon-themed fare. Great. Bacon, um, sunflower seeds. Awesome. Bacon ranch dressing. We dig it. But you know what’s awesome? FUCKING BACON. Just regular old, put-it-on-a-tray-in-the-oven-and-bake-it bacon. If someone walked up to us at Baconfest with a whole busket full of cooked bacon and said “Five bucks and you can take as much as you can grab”, do you think we would have gone for it? OH HELL YES we would have done that shit. In a heartbeat. Maybe our last heartbeat, but still.
I don’t know. Maybe we’re being sticks-in-the-mud about the stuff at Baconfest. Look: A lot of the stuff there was good. Those little cookie deals with the bacon and bacon-infused caramel? THEY WERE THE BUSINESS. And, um, the bacon popcorn? Awesome.
But we certainly could have done with more substantial bacon items – like bacon-and-cream-cheese pizza (if you haven’t had this yet, punch yourself in the face). Or bacon breakfast tacos. Or ice cream with bacon sprinkles on top. I feel like people would have been all about this kind of thing, instead of buying “bacon lollipops,” which, in actuality, were just chunks of animal fat on a stick.
But enough bitching. This guy was there:
Hey hey, that guy. NICE DANCING MANEUVERS, BACON GUY. We hear you have a show on PDX.FM, yes? We hope it is about dancing in bacon outfits, because you are very good at it. Also: This band played freaking FOREVER. The goddamn Beatles didn’t have a catalogue like this band, whatever they were called.
Anyway, Baconfest was rad, cudos to the PDX.FM crew for putting it on and hopefully collecting a ton of canned goods and for generally giving everyone an excuse to eat meat and drink booze all day long.